The Jukebox: That's My Song

Every self-respecting bar, tavern and pub should have a jukebox. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t deserve your business. A person should be able to walk into a watering hole and have some sort of control, not necessarily over how much he drinks, but over what he listens to while he drinks.

Picture this: guy has a rough day at the office. Or mill or plant or jobsite or whatever. Guy pops into a place, bellies up to the bar and orders a stiff one. The last thing Guy deserves to hear is whatever shit the bartender is playing. It could be anything – it’s still shit so long as Guy didn’t pick it.

The issue here is choice. Without the freedom to choose, what are we left with? Without choice, you’re lost, flying blind. You don’t let the bartender serve you whatever he feels like – you choose what he serves you. Guy chooses what he wants to drink, he should be able to choose what he wants to listen to as well.

Maybe he lost an account – he chooses Tom Petty. Maybe he didn’t meet his quota – he chooses Bruce Springsteen. Maybe he got laid off – he chooses Johnny Cash. Whatever Guy chooses, he’ll tipple to his heart’s content, accompanied by the music that comforts him or otherwise adds to his drinking experience.

A good jukebox will have something for everybody. A good jukebox is not exclusionary, it’s not cooler-than-thou. It will contain songs that will satisfy everyone in the joint, not at once (that’s impossible), but at one point. It will have songs that function both as background music and as the drunkard-mobilizing fare of slurring sing-alongs. A good jukebox will feature artists old and new (mostly old) and songs that impart a range of emotions: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Bon Jovi, Neil Diamond; Garth Brooks’ “Friends in Low Places,” Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page,” CCR’s version of “Proud Mary.”

Some jukeboxes will appeal more to a certain establishment’s typical patron. Example: a working-class bar near my house has a jukebox stocked with working-class tunes – blue-collar anthems, classic rock and country, and shit-kickin’ blues. Another place, frequented by hip kids, has a jukebox filled with punk standbys, old soul, new wave, and a rotating selection of current indie rock.

Every jukebox will contain Tammy Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man,” Billy Joel’s “Piano Man,” Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again,” and invariably, some Journey. This is a fact.

The jukebox plays an important role in every drinking establishment – almost as important a role as the alcohol. The jukebox is your friend if you’re drinking alone. The jukebox is the life of the party if you’re drinking with friends. The jukebox puts the nail in the coffin of a bad day and shines ever-loving light on a good day. Every self-respecting bar, tavern and pub should have one. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t deserve your business.