The Clipboard Horde

It’s practically summertime in Portland and the clipboard horde is out en masse downtown.  Stationed at seemingly every corner, these youngish folks want YOU to talk to THEM about saving the world, the children, and any number of other worthy causes.  I respect the fact that they’re just doing their job and, I’m usually somewhat sympathetic to the cause.  But, I just don’t want to talk to them about it; I have places to be.  I also don't want to shake their hand.  And I don’t think that makes me a bad person.  So, with that in mind, I remembered that I’d written a little on the subject.  One note: not all of these people are shilling for Greenpeace -- I just lump them all together and use that as a catch-all.

From December 2009:

http://gimdang.blogspot.com/2009/12/gettin-greenpeaced.html

From August 2010:

I have become a master at avoiding the Greenpeace dudes.

Over time, I’ve perfected two moves that help me to avoid any contact with the Greenpeacers.  By using these two moves, you too can pass by clipboard-toting folks unmolested.  I should probably note that I’m not necessarily against them personally, or their cause.  I, like you I assume, just don’t feel like chatting with someone on a street corner when I have someplace to be.

MOVE #1 involves being aware of your surroundings and the other people around you.  When I see a Greenpeacer in my path, I take note of my fellow pedestrians.  I try and find someone who looks bored or otherwise aimless – someone who looks like they aren’t in a hurry – or someone that looks like they’d fancy a conversation.  Judging people isn’t very fair, but eccentric-looking people are usually easy marks.  The Greenpeacers also know this and so tend to target them.  Once I find someone who fits the bill, I time the pace of my walk so that they reach the Greenpeacer just before I do.  The mark serves as a distraction, a decoy.  Once the Greenpeacer greets the mark, I’m in the clear and free to be on my merry way without so much as a polite “no thanks.”

MOVE #2 is a little more advanced.  If performed properly, it can convince a Greenpeacer that you’re just not worth their time.  Basically, it involves throwing a look at the Greenpeacer – a look that says ‘hey, bro. I get it.’  It’s like the ‘whassup, man’ look; I jut out my chin, jerk my head upward, and smirk a little to let the Greenpeacer know that I’m wise to his game.  Somehow, this also lets him know that I’m not interested in whatever he wants to talk about.  Once while waiting to cross the street, I squared off with a Greenpeacer on the opposite corner – just him and me. He was ready to chat about polar bears (which I’m actually concerned about) but I was running late for something.  I threw him the look, he threw it back.  The hand switched to the walking man and I crossed the street.  The Greenpeacer didn’t even bother to say ‘hi.’  Since then, I've been successfully using this move pretty often.